For Christmas I would like my daughter to live - a story all parents should read

Look at this picture carefully. It shows an idealised family preparing their stockings for Father Christmas. Mother and father with their two lovely delightful children. On Christmas morning the children will find their stockings loaded with delights and lots of presents waiting for them under the magical tree. Christmas lunch and dinner with family and friends. What a wonderful thought.

We all like to think our children will grow and become parents themselves one day. That we will be able to share with our grandchildren wonderful stories of Christmas day when we found that special present waiting under the tree. This Christmas story I am about to tell isn't one of presents or of sharing with family and friends. This is a story of a family torn apart and of a mother's grief and pain and that of her eldest daughter's struggle with Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD).

Before Christmas Came

My then seventeen year old daughter called me asked me to come down and meet her after her exams were over. She was living with her father then. We had been divorced in 2001 after a struggle to somehow get our shattered family back together - the decision I had made was with the realisation it would never happen. I knew something was wrong even then. My daughter was badly depressed and worse still she was cutting herself with anything sharp she could find. They call it self harming and the scars remain for life and not just on the outside. I spent a wonderful afternoon with her and we talked as best as we could. She assured me she had gotten some help which she had and was on medication to help manage her depression. I went home still gravely concerned and deeply disturbed by my daughters terrible anguish and pain. I should have seen the warnings even then. A mother knows when she is about to possibly lose a child even one that isn't so close to her in their relationship.

Christmas day came. I spent it alone with my youngest daughter who was then three years old and just diagnosed with severe Autism (she's doing just fantastically now!) her elder sister then barely five had been taken to see their Grandparents by their father before heading up North on holiday. Their eldest sister had told her father she had a friend coming to stay with her. It wasn't true.

Boxing day came and went then the next day at 1 pm in the afternoon my telephone rang. It was North Shore Hospital ICU telling me my daughter had overdosed on anti-depressants and was on life support. They had nearly lost her. I called my sister in a terrible state and she took me to the hospital and I had to see the site of my precious daughter unconscious. The same child I had nearly lost when she had been born at six weeks prematurely. Then I was barely just 21 years old. I had to face the very real possibility that I might have to bury my child.

I blamed myself. I blamed her father. I blamed everything I could think of. In truth it wasn't anyone's fault. It had happened and somehow we had to make sure my daughter lived. My family came together and working with Mental Health and Mercy Missions in Australia my daughter spend a year undergoing therapy. The outcome is a wonderful young adult now about to undergo a PHD in her chosen major.

I had my Christmas wish - my daughter lived. For some families though, there wasn't a happy ending. They had to bury their children asking why someone so young had taken their lives. What as parents had they done that was so wrong that their loved child had committed suicide. New Zealand has one of the highest youth suicide rates in the world. Here's what I have learned from my own personal experiences

• Get help immediately for both yourself, your family and for your child
• Get support of family, friends and your local church group even if you don't go ask for help. Many hands will be extended in the community if you ask.
  
• TALK TO YOUR KIDS!!If your children are younger make sure they can come to you about anything and know they can tell you when they are feeling hurt or worried. It will pay off when they are older.
  
• If your child has made an attempt at taking their lives don't tell them you understand - because you don't
• Be there for them as best as you can. They may not want you there but stay quietly around. DON'T TALK ABOUT NEGATIVE STUFF OR ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT IS HAPPENING. STAY OFF THE SUBJECT.
  
• If your child has been depressed and is suddenly happy that is a warning sign they will attempt possible suicide. GET HELP IMMEDIATELY. Contact your Doctor and arrange for Child Mental Health to help.
  
• Your child may not tell you the truth about what is really going on. Check every story.
• Don't let the Mental Health system attempt to pull the Privacy Act on you if your child is a teenager. If you are in New Zealand. Contact the Privacy Commissioner and seek advice.
  
• IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Don't blame yourself or anyone else. Get counselling immediately you will be a fool to think you can cope because reality is you won't.
• Talk about it but then move on you have to. Learn from the experience you have gained and then share it with wisdom when others are facing that crisis
  

Resources: The Mental Health Foundation

Lifeline Counselling

Office of the Privacy Commissioner

Mental Health Commission NZ

Suicide Prevention Information New Zealand

YOUTHLINE NZ