2014-02-07

Thank you Mr Gallagher for spoiling our fun! Memo from two jersey cows




My cows want to lay a complaint about Mr Gallagher, and his rather shocking tactics. As they can't speak human,  the concept of writing nothing but "MOO" through out the composition is out of the question. I guess, I will have to translate my bovine's rather loud complaints into the english language as best as I can.

Moomo Memo to Mad Bush Farmer dated 2nd February 2014
Delivered by MOO cowpat left on door step. Time 5 am

Dear %$^&!!!  Mad Bush Farmer aka &^%$#@@@!!!!!!!!!MOO

We note you have mooed blocked off our access from your moo garden with white &^%MOO wire. This is completely &*%$#  unacceptable! moo. We require an moo&%@Moo explanation Moo%$! IMMEDIATELY! signed your two Jersey cows

Response to Memo from Two Jersey Cows dated 3rd February 2014
Delivered by loud shouting from the hilltop 10 a.m

Dear Jersey nuisances River and Terrorist

Banning you lot from &*(%$   shredding up what is LEFT of my #$%^ garden is the best thing I EVER did. Better still, I've got Mr Gallagher working at full capacity. I hope you enjoyed your shocking experience when you attempted to infiltrate the secure zone I have now instigated.

Signed The Mad Bush Farmer

PS don't call me ^%$*&@#$MOO it's not nice

Response to Memo From The Mad Bush Farmer aka &^%$#!!!!&%$!???!! dated 4th February 2014
Delivered by a wrecked fence down the back of the farm 11.15 pm

Did you say Mr MOO%^*&^@%%!!?? Gallagher Moo??? &^*($#!!!Moo!!!! So THAT explains why both of us are having a bad MOO day?? Moo*&^!!!

Response to  Jersey Nuisances response to Mad Bush Farmer about Memo dated 5th February 2014
Delivered by loud cackling from the other hill top 6.30am

That's what I said. Whoops it appears the boys next door found you two roaming again. Did I mention you're now banned from the back of the farm. Mr Gallagher has assisted in this decision. You may experience another shocking incident in this instance. Oh and then there's the matter of the high tensile wire recommended for Mr Gallagher. I understand it has a rather nasty bite to it.

Signed the Mad Bush Farmer

PS I believe Mr Gallagher has won this round. And please I can't translate cow language obscenities very well.

Ransom demand Memo from Jersey Cow Mafia delivered by loud barking at 10pm dated 5th February 2014

We have your MOO&^%! dog surrounded MOO$#  Hand over Gallagher Moo&^%  immediately! or the mutt gets it!

Signed
*&^%MOO,@#$%%  The Jersey Mafia

Response to Ransom Demand of Dog by Jersey Cow Mafia dated 6th February
Delivered by cattle stick

Okay you lot GET BACK TO THE PADDOCK OR YOU"RE GOING TO THE WORKS!

Signed
Irate Mad Bush Farmer

PS Mr Gallagher says he has increased the current. He assures me your experience will be totally electifying if you try getting out again.

Response from Jersey Cow Mafia dated 6th February
Delivered by strategic retreat

This is not over Moo. The dog peed on our legs ^&%$moo. You'll be hearing from our lawyers! Moo

Response to Jersey Cow Mafia now locked in a paddock by Mad Bush Farmer and Mr Gallagher

Cows don't have lawyers. Take my advice you two. Stay behind the wire. Mr Gallagher is always on patrol. Yes the dog would pee on your legs if you two are standing like two statues alongside his kennel.

Signed the Mad Bush Farmer

PS those attempts to make me feel guilty are failing to work. Now behave!










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2014-02-06

My first five decades in a nutshell (but I didn't marry a farmer after all)


January 1964

My mother gave birth to her fifth child. It was the time of the Vietnam War. People were dying and the protests against the war were already raging. Mum and Dad got a black and white Murphy Television.

1967
I was three years old and I saw my first horse. I wanted to have my own horse. Next door was an old horse named Joey. I was found sitting underneath him with a rope in my hand.

1969

 I started school. My first day was crap. I got the drawing in the book wrong. The teacher hit me on the hand with a ruler. I  now wanted my own farm and a horse.  I didn't like school. We watched Neil Armstrong take his first steps on the moon. I was disappointed. There was no man in the moon after all.



1973

I still wanted my own farm and a horse. I was told I had to marry a farmer if I wanted a farm. I knew the answer to the question What is the capital of Vietnam? in my class general knowledge quizz. It was Saigon. The Vietnam War was all over our television screen. People were dying. I didn't understand why. I started to watch Country Calender because I wanted to be a farmer.

1974

My world of rural countryside was exchanged for urban living, and a small square of grass with a maple tree stuck in the middle of it. I wanted to be back in the countryside I hated the new house. I still wanted a horse and to be a farmer. I was still told I had to marry a farmer to be a farmer. I met my future sister-in-law. We were both ten and became best friends at the new school I started. I asked my Dad why the soldiers were killing each other in Vietnam. He told me there were bad people wanting to hurt the South Vietnamese, so the soldiers on the good side were there to stop the bad North Vietnamese taking over. I still didn't understand so I cried.

1975/76 I spend two years at a crappy school being told I was stupid. Sadly I believed it. I still wanted to be a farmer though.


1977

An angry kid started at High School. School sucked. I loved Pink Floyd and listened to Led Zeppelin.

1979

I met another now life time friend. We talk almost every day.

1980

I topped my class in Geography and English. Maybe I wasn't so stupid like they had told me back in 1975/76 at a school I'd rather forget.

1981

I started work. I hated the job. I was 17. My boss fired me because I wouldn't sleep with him. What a jerk. I met my future husband.

1982

I got pregnant and lost the baby. I was 18. I got engaged and started working for my precious Dad.

1983

I got married at 19. I made a mistake.

1980s

Marriage, being told I was no good by interfering in-laws. Working with an ambition to be better. I knew more than my parents did. I judged people especially single parents. I had my first daughter at 21. She was taken off me at birth because she was very sick. It sucked.

1990s

New job, loss of direction. Wondering if my marriage was worth it any more.

1997/98

Two more daughters I didn't plan for were born. I'm glad I had them

1999

My husband left me to raise a family by myself. I had to grow up fast.

2001

I got divorced and celebrated.

2004

I found myself again. I bought a farm in a community I love.

2014

I turned 50 years old.  My life is crazy. My kids love me and I love them. I have five horses (that's crazy) two cows (that's even crazier) a mad dog and an evil cat. I'm in heaven for sure. But I didn't marry a farmer after all. I just got the farm instead.