Mafia Gnome Conspiracy theories over a Power Cut

My loving darling younger sister knows I can't stand gnomes. Gnomes and I are deadly enemies. This gnome turned up one wet Saturday night - in a box with my sister. Dark glasses, Havana Cigar and black suit along with an exploding mushroom told me just one thing. He was Sicilian Gnome Mafioso for certain. He sat there staring at me last week on a Thursday night as I edited our local town paper and hoped like anything my computer wouldn't crash the programme. I succeeded...at 11pm on that Thursday night and thought I had done myself proud. Little did I know the Mafia Gnome had other ideas about that. Print day was the next day. Too tired to print the entire thing out. I saved it all and staggered off to snooze land - never realising there was going to be a dead of night meeting between a 6 inch high Mafia Gnome and his less than friendly associate.......
4.20a.m. The Editor crawls out of her warm bed. Hair is sticking out. Grabs a coffee. Goes to computer. Tells file to print......meanwhile the dirty deals were going down between the Mafia Gnome and his equally nasty associate Dirty Drain Dan down in the back paddocks of the Mad Bush Farm...it seemed the deal had already been arranged. Power surge..computer has a hernia...printer starts screaming then....I'm standing in pitch blackness..two and a half hours...no power..then 6.55 a.m. comes and power returns. System restored. Go go find file..errm file corrupted..ARRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Yes it was a complete redo. 12 hours straight redoing an entire publication. I'll blame it all on that Mafia Gnome and that darned rat..the power companies will make sure their lawyers are being well..paid...to bail those two out..that is.


Leaking Gumboots

Why they banned fast food on the Serengeti

The greatest blow in life is to get up on a winter's morning, half frozen anyway then stick your clompers into wet, cold water filled gumboots. Stupid here left them out one night after feeding out and of course Mr Storm kindly filled them both up with literally a gumboot load of water..frozen toes and wet to go just have to be a recipe for exposure. Well I didn't cark it did I..instead I got the feeding out done. Took off the wet gumboots and stuffed them full of newspaper to dry out. Fine nice and dry the next day..well they were until I stomped into a dirty great pile of deep muddy water and found my feet were yet again soaking wet. Cause? Both gumboots had sprung a darned leak. I like my gumboots now I have to get a new pair..damn. This pair have lasted me 5 years and they've been used every day. Heck I live in the things. Maybe those holes will make good ventilation in summer. I'll keep em a bit longer until they fall to bits that is.
I've come to the conclusion my life is just one big cartoon and a bad attitude....I'll leave it at that..