Just when you thought I would give this little venture up...my sad little mind made me pick up my pencil and create a new species of cow for the new generation of up and coming REALLY Impractical Farmer. The Springing Cow will cause you all kinds of problems. You'll have to garage them during winter otherwise their springs will start to corrode. It might be a good idea to glue them down to the concrete, shove them on a fence post for safe keeping or you can use them as kiddy rides at the next local market. Avoid this breed during thunder storms - you could be struck by a freak bolt of lightning. Great as a new found resource for recycling your used engine oil. She'll give you fresh bucket load of recycled oil each morning and you can toss it into your very impractical one wheeled tractor give her a couple of pints of the old stuff each morning after breakfast. Mad Bush Labs of course won't ever guarantee their Impractical Genetic Products. The Scientists there are completely mad. Beware of living imitations they could be having a calf which of course is only for the traditional Practical Farmer. Back to my hole now....
I couldn't resist grabbing a pencil and sketching Yowie while she was sound asleep and not causing typical kitten trouble. Yes I should be sitting at the computer but it's too hot and too nicer day to be stuck in a chair all day. I'll be good later and get things finalised ready for the printer. I've got something else to blog about but for now I'll leave it until a little later. The only clue I'll give is it has to do with springs apart from that I'll go back to my box now and stay there.
Amy sent me this oldie but a goodie on the email just now. I love this old joke it still makes me laugh out loud so I thought I'd shove it on the blog until I get a chance to do a proper post. Deadline to make even though I really don't feel like being stuck in front of computer screen when I could be outside enjoying the day and getting some more gardening done. Joke below.
A big city lawyer from Sydney was holidaying in the New Zealand. He went duck hunting in rural Waikato. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in Australasia and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in the Waikato. We settle small disagreements like this with the Waikato Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Waikato Three Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger who looked extremely frail and was really quite elderly. The lawyer agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer carefully and slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. With his first kick he planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick went to the midriff and sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The barrister was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he felt that it was retribution time. He felt truly great as he said, "Okay, you old sweetheart. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck!"
West Coast Top of the South Dairy Trainee of the Year Jamie Knight, 21, is an assistant manager on a 400-cow Golden Bay farm owned by Bernal Reily.
- Kinzett Livestock Ltd Farm Pride & Presentation Award – Chris & Donna Murphy
- Honda ATV Safety Award – Doug Butcher & Caroline Newick
- DairyNZ First Time Entrant Award – Chris & Donna Murphy
- Ecolab Farm Dairy Hygiene Award – Walter Hwata & Olga Mashazhike
- Federated Farmers of New Zealand (Inc) Leadership Award – Walter Hwata & Olga Mashazhike
- LIC Recording and Productivity Award – John & Johanna O’Callaghan
- Meridian Energy Farm Environment Award – Chris & Donna Murphy
· Ravensdown Pasture Performance Award – Chris & Donna Murphy
· Westpac Business Performance Award – Walter Hwata & Olga Mashazhike
Farm Manager Merit Awards:
- Gordon Handy Ltd Farm Pride & Presentation Award – Sarel & Sonja Jacobs
- DairyNZ Human Resource Management Award – Gordon & Rabecca Storer
- RD1 Farm Management Award – Maria Carlson
- Westpac Financial and Planning Award – Shane Kelly
- Naylor Lawrence & Assoc Financial & Farm Records Award – Rowan & Rachel Baker
- Honda ATV Safety Award – Jason & Ann-Maree McEwan
- DairyNZ First Time Entrant Award – Shayne & Rochelle Hutchinson
- Ecolab Farm Dairy Hygiene Award – Jason & Ann-Maree McEwan
- Federated Farmers of New Zealand (Inc) Leadership Award – Rowan & Rachel Baker
- LIC Recording and Productivity Award – Shayne & Rochelle Hutchinson
- Meridian Energy Farm Environment Award – Jack Zwart & Terri Standish-Zwart
- Ravensdown Pasture Performance Award – Rowan & Rachel Baker
- Westpac Business Performance Award – Rowan & Rachel Baker
Farm Manager Merit Awards:
- Joyclas Farms Property and Pride Award – Roy Tiller
- P&T Holdings Aims and Attitude Award – Matt Johnson
- DairyNZ Human Resource Management Award – Scott Harris
- RD1 Farm Management Award – Josh Dondertman
- Westpac Financial and Planning Award – Matt Johnson
Released 19th March
Released 19th March
“Today’s 150th anniversary of the introduction of bees to New Zealand represents a milestone for the industry in this country,” said John Hartnell, Federated Farmers bee industry group spokesperson.
“Projects that require new lines or which cause “injurious effect,” may well come in at under $20 million. Electricity projects represent a major imposition on farmers and farm management in terms of access, disruption to operations, liability and compensation,” continued Mr Nicolson.
- MacDougalls Best Variable Order Sharemilker Award – Kiel & Michelle Berry
- Honda ATV Safety Award - Kiel & Michelle Berry
- DairyNZ First Time Entrant Award – Clarence & Elise Stolte
- Ecolab Farm Dairy Hygiene Award – Shaun & Kate Mitchell
- Federated Farmers of New Zealand (Inc) Leadership Award – Bryce & Kylie Baron
- LIC Recording and Productivity Award – Matthew Gibson
- Meridian Energy Farm Environment Award – Matthew Gibson
- Ravensdown Pasture Performance Award – Sam Capes
- Westpac Business Performance Award – Clarence & Elise Stolte
- Tararua Vets Animal Husbandry Award – Dale Marshall & Sherryn Barrett
- DairyNZ Human Resource Management Award – Richard Greaves
- RD1 Farm Management Award – Matthew Honeysett
- Westpac Financial and Planning Award – Richard Greaves
- Farm and Garden Pride and Passion Award – Joel McKay & Angela Brown
- Blackman Spargo Legal Audit Award – Grant & Margaret Bolstad
- Honda ATV Safety Award – Chris & Teresa Moore
- DairyNZ First Time Entrant Award – Shaun Gardner & Michele Walker
- Ecolab Farm Dairy Hygiene Award – Shaun Gardner & Michele Walker
- Federated Farmers of New Zealand (Inc) Leadership Award – Shaun Gardner & Michele Walker
- LIC Recording and Productivity Award – Chris & Teresa Moore
- Meridian Energy Farm Environment Award – Joel McKay & Angela Brown
- Ravensdown Pasture Performance Award – Chris & Teresa Moore
- Westpac Business Performance Award – Chris & Teresa Moore
- Vet Club Rotorua Animal Health Management Award – Japie & Yolandi Nortje
- DairyNZ Human Resource Management Award – Japie & Yolandi Nortje
- RD1 Farm Management Award – Mark & Jamie Perrott
- Westpac Financial and Planning Award – Mark & Jamie Perrott
Some time ago it was suggested to me that I should write a book. About what? Perhaps I could have written one on Lifestyle Farming or small animals. That's if I lived on a farm that was actually *normal*. Nothing here including me is normal. I have a chicken that thinks she should be sitting on my kitchen bench each morning for breakfast instead of waiting outside. The one bovine chosen to go into our freezer ended up with a name. The Terrorist would rather sleep inside my lounge than outside in the paddock. I have a grown Jersey cow that still thinks I'm her mother and I hammered three earthing rods several feet into the ground stood on a beer crate using a sledgehammer and a block of wood. So what does that tell you? This farm is truly mad of that I am certain. Why is it I have four cats? I never planned to have any cats but here I am being surrounded by them. At this rate I'll be a cat farmer as well. Bad enough last year with those two sheep - where did they go not in my freezer they should have. No they ended up being pets for a guy up in Maunu in Whangarei instead and got send away in a van? Today has been well...too quiet. So quiet I got bored even though I have several thousand jobs to do and a publication to finish putting together. Well I'm going to write that book anyway or more draw it. So above...is my take on the Farming Term for Bloat (as in bloat in cows aka Brucillosis) Oh and the best impractical way to handle this condition is to throw a rope around the end of the cow's tail and tie her to your tractor. I would avoid walking underneath your cow just in case of accidents. Very useful for advertising Goodyear tyres (you could make millions) or your kids could take your cow to Kite Flying competitions. She'll come down in a couple of weeks - that's if a plane doesn't hit her first.
“Fonterra is to New Zealand what Nokia is to Finland generating a quarter of all our exports. It really underscores just how important dairy is to every single New Zealander, though some people forget that fact.
Rachel, Amy and Lisa had already read this story on another blog of which shall not be named. I wrote this one last year. Read this one if you have had a bad day and need a good laugh. It's one story I'll still be laughing over for another few years. . Story below.
This post is literally about packing away a certain species known as ovine aka sheep into the back of an SPCA van. Well they were close to making it there after busting out several of insulators and letting two of the heifers out. Let's just say my mother wanted a very big gun when she got home and found her newly planted garden turned into the exact replica of a WWII battle field. The cause all the havoc - two walking carpets with fleeces several inches long no set of shearing blades would get a look in on. After having a chat with the local SPCA the two girls Kyra and Rachel showed up one cloudy winter's day to tell yours truly they had a nice kind home for our unwanted woolly ovine pals. I hate sheep. Cattle I'll take any day over those dumb useless ovine creatures then again they did give us a few laughs. Problem - catching the beggars. But wait...I had a cunning plan...
The second part of this sorry little saga begins with..Kyra and Rachel from the SPCA turning up with a van. Well I'm used to seeing sheep in stock trailers not..a van? They eye the two woolly sods staring back up there on the hill.........as for me well I'm used to dealing with sheep and their obnoxious habit of running everywhere but where you want the sods to go. I had a plan so cunning ..and to quote the famous Black Adder himself
"I have a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel." Thanks Black Adder.
The cunning plan involved the following.
- Item 1 - one times set of yards.
- Item 2: Two kids and Mum. Item
- Three: Three Bovines who think they are people and last but not least ..
- Item 4 SPCA Inspectors and their van.