2009-03-25

The Mad Bush Guide to utterly impractical Farming - Cows


Some time ago it was suggested to me that I should write a book. About what? Perhaps I could have written one on Lifestyle Farming or small animals. That's if I lived on a farm that was actually *normal*. Nothing here including me is normal. I have a chicken that thinks she should be sitting on my kitchen bench each morning for breakfast instead of waiting outside. The one bovine chosen to go into our freezer ended up with a name. The Terrorist would rather sleep inside my lounge than outside in the paddock. I have a grown Jersey cow that still thinks I'm her mother and I hammered three earthing rods several feet into the ground stood on a beer crate using a sledgehammer and a block of wood. So what does that tell you? This farm is truly mad of that I am certain. Why is it I have four cats? I never planned to have any cats but here I am being surrounded by them. At this rate I'll be a cat farmer as well. Bad enough last year with those two sheep - where did they go not in my freezer they should have. No they ended up being pets for a guy up in Maunu in Whangarei instead and got send away in a van? Today has been well...too quiet. So quiet I got bored even though I have several thousand jobs to do and a publication to finish putting together. Well I'm going to write that book anyway or more draw it. So above...is my take on the Farming Term for Bloat (as in bloat in cows aka Brucillosis) Oh and the best impractical way to handle this condition is to throw a rope around the end of the cow's tail and tie her to your tractor. I would avoid walking underneath your cow just in case of accidents. Very useful for advertising Goodyear tyres (you could make millions) or your kids could take your cow to Kite Flying competitions. She'll come down in a couple of weeks - that's if a plane doesn't hit her first.

8 comments:

  1. I think you should definitely write a book "the man bush farm's guide to farming" LOL but seriously you could be like the next Murray Ball! And btw if you weren't crazy then it's unlikely you and I would be friends and also I was thinking the heading of this post should have been "udderly instead of utterly"

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  2. LOL! Like the pun Amy. Murray Ball? Poor guy would feel insulted if he saw my crazy artwork! Poor cow I think she needs comforting got any stash to hire a helicopter?

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  3. Your nutty farm is the perfect reason for writing a book, your farm is full of "characters". :-)

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  4. Jennifer the maddest character of all is probably the one that wons the farm...me.LOL Want a floating cow? Perhaps I could start a new trend in the farming world...LOL

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  5. That could be page one in a cartoon book for a start! Brilliant drawing - I thought you were supposed to stick a knife between the ribs and stand out of the way if they got bloat - or is that only in cartoon films?

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  6. Weaver thanks for your positive comments. My Mum had a great laugh at the poor cow being tied to the tractor and left to float. On the knife between the ribs you are absolutely right. My Grandfather used to do that if he had a cow with bloat. Now probably animal welfare would be out charging him with cruelty.

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  7. This is what I was talking about! I LOVE these posts! They are wonderfully mad! LOL Boy have you been busy with those articles! Mad my brain hurt! LOL Thats not hard to do! hee hee

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  8. Hi Rae,
    LOL! Have you got any cows tied to one of the tractors if not I'll come over and set them all up as advertising for your farm. Yeah the media releases from Federated Farmers and Dairy NZ have been coming in on the emails thick and fast this week. Way too many never mind. I'm supposed to be putting the paper together and well I'm having a disease called lack of motivation...

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