Dear Rain Gods (if that’s what you guys can call ourselves)
You promised we here in stuck out in the way beyonds of Northland New Zealand would ,by now, get some darned rain.
WHERE IS IT!!!!!!
We here at the Mad Bush Farm are getting rather grouchy. It means no longer will my hair stick out. The ground has been far too dry to conduct the proper electric current required for my hair to stand out on end each time I wake up in the morning. You must realise this spoils the ambient look of the management with the bad attitude gleam.
Please explain to we, the disgruntled plebs here living on the land, just WHY the chickens are now wearing John Lennon style sunglasses - and are now claiming to be cover models for the latest release of CHICKEN VOGUE Magazine. Worse still they’re demanding designer night roosts and are now laying only purple eggs. Sorry that is just NOT my colour for this summer rural fashion season!
I will also blame you guys for the fact that the local water suppliers will now be rubbing their hands with glee when they present us with a gigantic bill for filling up the water tank. Just because your pals the dust gods wanted to kick their dusty heels up and turn Northland into a dust bowl for the heck of does not mean you the Rain Gods will not be held accountable for those beer bottles they left behind for the locals to clear up afterwards.
I am beginning to think this is all a conspiracy between you guys, the Dust Gods, the Aliens, the C.I.A, and four chickens who all call themselves Klaus.
I’ll also blame you for those rotten possums that seem to be breeding like flies and eating our bush to match sticks and whose idea was it to give them $10 Raybans then?
And if you think you can whistle like that…..well we won’t have it!
You are fired forthwith...binned...canned ...downsized...and terminated for your position!!!!
The Mad Bush Farm Management (with a bad attitude gleam)
Out in the Sticks
Middle of the Rural stuff