Scammers at Dinner Time (A Mad Bush Farm version)

6.30 pm: Dinner time and the phone rings

Meantime we have a dog barking, kids fighting and the cats having a brawl in the kitchen. On top of that, the stereo is going, and Metallica dominates the speakers. It makes for the problem of actually hearing what the voice on the other end of the phone was saying.

A long silence at first

“HELLO!!!!! HELLO????”

Click as the communications satellite kicks in.

Voice on the other line with strange accent.

“Are you the owner of the computer in your household”

Computer owner with finger in one ear to try to cut out the racket in the background

“WHO?”

Frustrated sounding scammer on the other end of the line

“I am ..(some name) from Gobbelygook Blah Blah Solutions”

Computer owner tells rather loudly barking dog to put a sock in it then…

“WHAT? WHO? Oi! Turn the stereo down and will you lot quit fighting? I can’t hear!”

Abrupt silence…click…..frustrated scammer continues

“Are you near your computer. Your computer has been putting bad viruses on the internet. Your ISP Provider has asked us to contact you.”

Computer owner removes fighting cats from kitchen

“What? Viruses you say? What ISP Provider was that and who were you again?”

Even more frustrated by this rather deaf, and apparently dumb rural dweller (chews the hay a bit) the scammer continues

“Click Start on your computer’

Computer owner

“Why?”

Scammer is now steaming out through the ears

“Because, you have a virus on your computer. Please click start and choose the remote access option”

Computer owner’s eyes now have narrowed to evil slits

“No”

Nuclear explosion warning from somewhere in Asia, as the scammer almost has a melt down

“You MUST! We are a legitimate software solutions company. Your ISP provider requires –“

Computer owner. “NO”

Nuclear meltdown at Scammer’s end occurs

“We are genuine! I insist you MUST allow us access to your computer immediately”

Computer owner “Yeah, right. Bye Mr Scammer.  I’m going to go and eat my dinner now”

CLICK.

And the moral of this story. Internet Service Providers never give out their customer’s personal details to other companies. If you receive a call from anyone claiming to be from your internet service provider or that your internet services provider has contacted them – hang up on them.